Okay,  so this is such a big controversial issue,  and it shouldn’t be. Parents are entitled to have a choice to vaccinate their children or not. And using debunked information to drive home your point is just ludicrous.

I and my husband have chosen to vaccinate our daughter. That is our choice and our right as parents. We feel that vaccination is important. The benefits of vaccination out weigh the risks. Why should we put the health of our daughter,  and other children at risk by not vaccinating . Why should we help bring back diseases that are fatal over debunked information? When we made the decision to vaccinate, it was an informed decision. We sat down with pediatricians, obgyn docs,  and pediatric nurses. We talked about the vaccination make up,  the diseases they help prevent,  the potential reaction to the vaccinations. We weighed the pros and cons and decided what was best for our child,  in our own opinion.

So why do people have to bash each other? Why do moms go head to head over an issue that is a personal decision? That is what is not right. That is what is wrong. How dare you blast someone on a decision that they feel is in the best interest of their child?

I will be back to finish my post. The baby is calling! 😀


Labor… Going into labor… I didn’t even know. Well I kind of knew?  Okay it was more like this… Um… I feel funny…. I don’t think your going into work today.

Then,  call the doctor… Okay if pains get worse go to hospital by 7:30am. Call mom and dad.  Go to hospital, mom meets us there,  then 2 hours later they tell me I am not dilated enough. To go walk For 2 hours then come back. Oh boy did my mom and husband make me walk. And walk. And walk. When I got back to the hospital,  I was in so much pain and there was no rooms. It was like every female on Long Island decided to give birth that day.

I was crying so hard, it hurt so much that people I didn’t even know, were telling the nurses to get me in a room. It took hours. The contractions were 2 minutes apart but I was not dilating. My baby was trying to come out,  but had no room, no where to go! So they gave me morphine to numb the pain. That lasted like for an hour. I begged for the epidural. But they wouldn’t give it to me.

I had some holistic bitch of a nurse who came in while I was in a full blown panic attack (plus crazy painful contractions) tell me if I didn’t stop and breathe,  that my baby and I would die. She kept saying “women have been doing this for thousands of years with no medicine and you can to! ” I threw the blood pressure cuff at her (after I ripped it off my arm) and told her to get the fuck out and not to come back. They sent in a new nurse and gave me the epidural. I was in heaven after that.

I am not knocking people who want a no drugs birth and stuff like that,  but it is not for me. I told them at 7:30 am that YES I WANT THE EPIDURAL!  It took them 12 hours to give it to me. 12 HOURS!!! and this baby wanted out.

Well eventually I fell asleep. At 3:30am they came in to give me pictin(sp?) to make me dilate. At 10:00am (the next day) I was fully dilated. At 12:00pm I told the nurse she better get there doctor because my baby was coming and fast. The doctor was still delivering another child and could not be there. They told me not to push,  but I did anyway every time I felt the need to. At 12:40pm the doctor came in. My daughter was born at 1:08pm in the summertime of 2015. After 30 hours of labor. And she was (and still is) beautiful. The first thing she did when they handed her to me,  was grab my finger and look into my eyes. Her eyes are beautiful. They are a grey hazel, but when she was born,  they looked dark purple /violet.

I loved her when she was a yolk sack.

I loved her when she looked like a thumb.

I loved her when she was developing inside of me,  and I documented all her sonogram pictures.

I loved her when she was sitting on my bladder.

I loved her when she was kicking me in the ribs.

But when they laid her on my chest for the first time, I fell so in love with her. I would give my life for her if she needed me to. I would take all pain away from her and bare it for her if need be. I would take her tears and make them disappear and never return if I was able to. I love my daughter,  she is the most important thing in my life. She is beautiful, smart,  above average and funny. She is a very happy and content baby. God has blessed me truly (and I am not a religious person). I will forever be thankful for the gift of a child He (and my husband Jay)  has given me.

The Pregnancy

The pregnancy was an easy one,  to my amazement. No morning sickness,  no cramping, and only a few cravings. I was rather lucky. I had read about horrible pregnancies online,  and I was worried about how my body would react to mine

My craving were so random… Salami,  hot dogs,  French fries (from Burger King). My Mom kept arguing with me about everything I ate. You can’t have this,  you can’t have that,  blah blah blah. But I ate it any way.

I didn’t gain too much weight though till the end. At the end,  I blew up like a tick in summer. Lol.  It was horrible.  That’s when I hated being pregnant and just wanted the baby out. Also,  I wasn’t able to find out the sex of my baby until week 36! She refused to show us! When we found out she was a girl we cried. We didn’t care if we had a boy or girl  just that she was healthy and happy. She is my parents first granddaughter! And my dad loves to spoil her!

Well there is more to post on this post,  but I will continue later,  the little one is calling! 😀

Okay, I am back…

  • So as I was saying my pregnancy was a smooth one. One of the most memorable times of my pregnancy was when my baby recognized her father’s voice. I was 4 months pregnant, and Jay woke me at 4:00am, when he was getting ready to go to work.  He was talking to me about who knows what when,  as soon as he started talking, my little tiny baby started kicking like crazy. When Jay stopped talking, my baby stopped kicking. It was amazing. She would also play games when in the womb. She would be kicking up a storm,  I would tell my husband,  and when he put his hand on my stomach to feel,  she would stop. As soon as he took his hand off,  she would start again. Lol! My poor husband was so upset. He only got to feel her kick a handful of times and she was a kicker! Let me tell you! Oh my god was she a kicker! She also liked to moon the sonogram tech! She is my little trickster.  God I love her so much!😇


The Doctors Office

Two weeks after the positive pregnancy test, I had my first doctor’s appointment. It was October, and the car broke down. It was raining and chilly,  the doctors office was about a mile or 1.5 miles away, so we decided to walk there. Nothing was going to make me miss this appointment. The walk took about a half hour. Most of the walk was through our neighborhood, which was nice. My husband and I talked about our fears that the pregnancy tests (I must have taken 3 or 5 after the first one lol) were wrong,  and I wasn’t really pregnant. It was all so surreal.

When we arrived at the office,  it was empty and we got right in.  They had me do a urine test to confirm the pregnancy, and then set me up to the ultrasound machine. I was 5 weeks pregnant, and my baby didn’t look like a baby yet. She looked like a little egg yolk. The doctor called her a yolk sack. And I loved it.

We cried tears of happiness and joy. I fell in love with Jay all over again,  and stronger than ever before, that day. It wasn’t that I didn’t love him,  but this love felt different, stronger some how.

On the walk home,  we were so happy and excited. I was jumping up and down, we could not stop smiling and laughing. We talked about everything we would do and give this little yolk sack 😊. What if it was a boy? Everyone else has boys, no girls.  What if it was a girl? What names would we pick? It was all so exciting!

Our journey to a new life officially began with seeing our baby on the screen. And it has been a happy journey so far.


** DISCLAIMER: just FYI, we did not receive a picture of the baby at 5 weeks so the picture I am using comes from Google images**


The Positive Pregnancy Test: My Journey Began…

I wanted children for as long as I can remember. And when I was 16 years old, my doctor informed me that my chances of being a mom  (later in life) were slim to none. 1 in 1 million is what he actually said. My problem? I hardly ever ovulate. I was crushed. I come from a big family,  2 brothers,  and 4 sisters. A load of cousins who were all having kids. How could this happen to me? All I ever wanted was to be a mom,  and now it will never happen.

Well as time went on,  and my now husband and I began to get serious, I told him this. I told him what the doctors said. Why did I do this? Because he had the right to know. I knew he wanted children,  and I might not be able to give him any. He had the right to make a decision on whether he wanted to stay with me or not. He chose me. My husband said “I would rather build a life with someone I  love then have kids with someone I don’t. ” I thought (and still do think) he is the best man I have ever met.

After 6 years of trying to naturally get pregnant, with no avail, we started to have a conversation about our options. We could adopt, but it is such a long process and so expensive. We can do IVF, but I didn’t want to put myself through the major emotional turmoil that would bring. What about the foster care system? We can look into older children,  and adopt through them. Older children often get over looked because everyone wants a baby or toddler. And the older kids often have been in the system so long that they have emotional issues. But we were willing to try. There are so many foster care children and teens who need a good stable home. And parents who are not in it for the state checks every month. Well we decided to start looking into the foster care option of adopting when we got the most amazing news ever.

I WAS PREGNANT. I just was not feeling like myself. I felt like my body didn’t belong to me anymore. No morning sickness,  no pregnancy symptoms, just a feeling. Well, first thing the next morning, I took the urine test, expecting to be disappointed and upset. Well instead I almost hit the floor. I went into the living room and told my husband Jay “the test came back positive “. I was shaking and trying not to cry, and his response… “What test? ” he was so busy getting ready for work,  he had forgotten I was taking a pregnancy test.  “THE PREGNANCY TEST! ” I yelled at him. He stopped dead in his tracks, and looked at me. Then he smiled, ran over to me and hugged me for a long time. Then we both ran to the bathroom so I could show him the double pink lines on the test. He hugged me tight,  and kissed me goodbye. Before he left for work,  he told me to call the doctor and make an appointment to confirm it.